PBS Hates Kids

Most nights, I sing my boys to sleep. This habit started when Elan was first born and has been pretty much going on ever since. As someone who was listening to Metallica on the bus home from school when I was 12, I knew I probably couldn't swing traditional lullabyes, and that aside, I didn't know any. I had to devise a playlist.

I went classic.
I went Beatles.

It worked like a charm- "All My Lovin'" became the only way to get newborn Elan to stop screaming and go to sleep. By age 2 he knew every single word to at least six or seven Beatles songs--the kid has an eerie knack for memorization.
Ariel turned out to be a kid after his brother's heart, and while Elan's new fave became "Let It Be," Ariel need only hear the first four bars of "Hey, Jude" before looking at me like, WTF, I'm going to sleep, see you suckers tomorrow, and nodding off.

Since I'm one of those types who have an only mediocre voice, but REALLY like to sing, and my boys seem to think I sing like an angel, their bedtime has become enjoyable for me, too--my only chance to let my inner Katherine McPhee out, uninhibited. Plus, their little dry-wall bedroom has inexplicably kick-ass acoustics.

All was well. Peaceful, even. Then, recently, it hit the fan. Ariel decided he was entitled to an opinion. And what did HE feel they should be listening to? The theme songs to the PBS Kids morning lineup. These songs are, to be quite honest, the bane of my existence. I HATE THEM. I freakin' hate them. And the worst part is, I know Every. Single. Word. To every. Single. One. They've just crept into my subconscious, I suppose after years of serving as the subtle soundtrack to my everyday life.

Ariel thinks they are wonderful. He sings along, claps, barks, all with his eyes half-closed, curled up in my lap, in those damn-adorable fleece PJs with feet so I can't bring myself to hate him, or deny him his beloved muzak. Elan thinks they aren't half-bad, and at 3 1/2 with a new preference for super-heros, still gets a stoned and happy look in his eye during my rendition of "Clifford."

Which leads me to believe, PBS really hates kids and is playing some sick joke on them by making their parents miserable via awful theme-song so that they will eventually, inevitably, snap and take it out on their innocent, crap-loving children.

Think I'm being dramatic? Try "Calliou" for a few days and call me back.