And Whether You Smoke

"Ariel, guess what?"
"What?"
"You're going to start school tomorrow."
"Tool?"
"Yes, school. Mommy's going to take you and you're going to be in a class with friends and a teacher."
"Fends?"
"Yes, friends. Isn't that cool?"
"Yeah."

So far, so good. Now for the bomb: "And Mommy's going to drop you off and then leave, and then come back for you later."

"No. No Mommy yeave. No tool."
"No school? School is great!"
"No tool. HATE tool!"
"You can't hate school..."

"HATE TOOL. HATE IT. TOOL IS BAD."

(Hoping he has no idea what 'hate' means...:) "School is lots of fun. And Mommy will only be gone a little while. You don't hate school, silly..."
"NO. YIKE. IT. TOOL! NO-YIKE-TOOL!"

And finally, for my benefit: "Hate tool."

So he does know what it means.

Ariel's learned all kinds of special words this summer, words I just can't wait to show off to his school's administrative staff.

Last night, we had a meeting with a life insurance salesman, with the goal, obviously, of putting some monetary value on our otherwise (apparently) worthless lives. It was fun, despite the fact that both Y and I were struggling to keep our eyes open (Margo, you may not simply rest your eyes for a minute while this man is speaking and looking at you...it's not okay to yawn violently in his face...stay awake...stay awake...) while the agent told life insurance story after life insurance story after life insurance story - did you know that one anecdote illustrating the potential benefit of a policy isn't nearly enough to get the point across?

It was fun, though, because Y and I had the chance to, once and for all, define ourselves on paper - "Super-Preferred" or merely "Preferred," Worth a Million, or a Million-Five. I'm just too excited for the day they send someone into our home on a bright Sunday morning to collect urine samples.

But tell me, when else do you get the validation that you are, indeed, among the Super-Preferred members of society?

And I'll let you in on a little secret: as we've always suspected, it's all about height and weight, in the end. And whether you smoke.

Anyway, the connection here is that I am so happy we're applying for life insurance because IF THE SCHOOL YEAR DOESN'T START SOON I WILL PROBABLY HAVE TO KILL MYSELF. And at least this way, my death will be worth a little something to the kids.

No yike it? Take it to the board.