In His Shoes

I feel as though I've made a few good decisions. Getting the Honda was a good decision. It's easy to drive, and I'm happy not to be carrying around so much bulk. It has that new car smell, and not just from "New Car" scented air freshener.

Going to work full-time was a good decision, even though it looks like I'll be getting home even later than I'd expected to. It's good because it's fun, because I get out of the house, and because I'm thirsty for the kids by the time I get home. I don't count down the minutes until their bedtime anymore, and I sit down and play with them without wondering what else I could or should be doing. These are important changes, and maybe I'll tire of work eventually. But for now - I'm all about the New.

Another nice aspect of me working full-time is the way in which it levels the playing field in my marriage. I think this is affecting Y more than me, as he's the one who brought it up. In his words:

"I'm loving this. I'm loving that everything is flipped - that you can't call me much during the day, that it's you who has to be curt and cryptic when you do, that you finally understand the stress of having to be at work while wanting to get home at a decent hour."

Me: "You love that I can't call you so much?"

Y: "That's not what I meant. I just like that you finally understand why I can't call YOU as much as I might like to. That you can't get mad at me anymore for being so short with you over the phone!"

Me: "I never did get mad about that. I did understand. That's your perception, not the reality of how I felt."

Y: "Come ON. You always sounded sad when I had to get off, that I couldn't shmooze for thirty minutes at a time about everything under the sun when I had you on speakerphone and there were 12 other people in the room with me."

Okay. It's possible he had a point. Our weekday phone conversations as of last week usually went something like this:

"Hi, Y? What's up?"

"Not much. You?"

"Ohmygosh. I went to the grocery store and there was a new checkout person so I'm like are you new? And she goes, I've been here 3 months. So I'm like, oh, I guess that makes ME the new one, ha ha. So I got everything except I forgot frozen waffles so I tell Elan this and he's all upset but then when Ariel gets upset about it Elan turns the tables and starts comforting him, seriously he is such a good kid. Really looks out for Ariel. And Ariel can recognize numbers one through ten by sight now and counts to thirty, I had no idea. Also, while I have you on the phone I spoke to your mother and she wants to have this whole thing for your brother's birthday and so we need to get cards, so I know they have cards in the lobby shop at your office so will you get them? Or should I? Pasta or chicken for dinner?"

Pause.

"Hello?"

"Did you hear what I just said?"

"Um, Mag? I need to go. I'm in a meeting right now and I REALLY can't talk."

Me, embarrassment turning to huff. "Fine, whatever. I'll make the decisions."

Him: "Love you."

Me: "Whatever, bye."

And while I don't think I really took it personally, I can't blame him for detecting a little something in my voice to promote any pangs of guilt he might have already felt for not being able to give me the time I wanted. The adult time.

Now, our conversations from work go more like this:

Him: "Hey babe. Things okay?"

Me: "Yeah, fine. You?"

Him: "Fine, you liking work? Sounds like a party there."

Me: "Yeah, a lot. No party, they just blast music all day."

Him: "You check on the kids yet?"

Me: "Yeah, you?"

Him: "Yeah, fifteen times."

Me: "Sounds like you. Gotta go. Talk to you later?"

Him: "Sure, me too. Love you."

Me: "You too."

So far, so good.