Just So I Don't Get Lonely

In my 9 Weird Things post I mentioned that I can't fall asleep knowing a dresser drawer or closet door is cracked open when it should be securely closed. I'm guessing that the same part of my psyche that compels me out of my bed in a state of severe exhaustion and near-collapse in order to push the drawer flush with the others also propels me into a frenzy when I can't place a particular sound. Or when a sound is bugging me, like when I'm alone at night watching TV and I hear something incessant and distant but not quite distant enough, like a clicking coming from upstairs.

I've been through lots of ear-itation (see what I did there?) this year. You could say it began with Mr. Turtley, who causes an alarming racket every time he (it?) gets hungry and which can only be temporarily muffled by an enormous pile of very expensive lettuce.

You could say that it continued with the series of tree frogs that graced the presence of our home for two loooong months. You might imagine that the unbelievably-startling late-night croaking sessions in which said frogs indulged could, well, piss me off - if not actually curse all that is sacred in this universe while utilizing every four-letter word with which I'm familiar. At the top of my lungs. You know, to compete.

But the frogs are dead and gone. The turtle is basically manageable. I highly doubt you could have predicted the current source of my audio malaise, because I sure as hell didn't.

Do you mean to say you didn't KNOW that Mexican Jumping Beans make noise?

Elan and Ariel behave, they get toys. It's nothing new. Y goes to the gift shop at the La Brea Tarpits to get these gifts, as it's conveniently located across the street from his office. As an added bonus, it contains an incredibly interesting and educational selection. This makes the whole reward process more self-serving than when we give them Power Rangers, the source of All Things Bad but most especially, my kids' worst behavior.

Okay, so the "fake" tar got all over my cream sofa. FOREVER. But anyone coulda seen that one coming.

The fossilized skull of a saber-tooth tiger? Awesome.
The 100-piece dinosaur floor puzzle? Hours of fun.
The Fossil Jelly that makes impressions with your model prehistorics? Sweet!
The wooden snakes? Rock.
The fold-out origami dinosaur book? One of the Great Wonders of the world.

The Mexican Jumping Beans? Yeah. Effing loud.

Of course, I didn't immediately realize that the constant ticking coming from the boys' bathroom (where most precious belongings seem to wind up) for a week straight wasn't an invisible, persistently-leaky faucet. To be honest, the Beans never even occurred to me. I thought they were a nice little gift, read about them when I was a kid, and for the first week Elan owned them, they didn't so much as twitch. I thought, Okay, so they're obviously dead jumping beans but HELL if I'm going to be the one to tell Elan. Just smile and tell him how cool they are.

So now, several weeks later, you could say I'm the not the tiniest bit relieved and quite a large bit irritated to find them jumping up a storm. Audibly. At night. Every night.

When I'm watching TV. When I'm on the computer. When I'm lying in bed, praying for sleep.

Yes, you might say that.

Hooray.