Peer Pressure

On Sunday, I had the pleasure of taking Elan out alone to get him new shoes. And since the shoe store is right next to Baskin Robbins, we went there afterwards. Elan wanted to know if we were going to take the ice cream to go or eat there. He really wanted to eat there.

He got his usual - Mint Chocolate Chip, in a cup, no cone. I threw all of my morning's intentions to diet into a scoop of Oatmeal Cookie, which I'm generally a sucker for in any form. Sugar cone, too, please.

We were the only ones in the shop, and as we sat down, I was struck by the intimacy of it all. I'm rarely entirely alone with one of the kids, with no distractions or things-to-do. It was - well, wonderful, and I figured we should talk, so I asked Elan about school, for a detailed account of his classroom's daily schedule. He obliged, but seemed kind of bored.

"So," I started, taking a lick. "What about your friends? How are they?"

Well. His friends. Why didn't I just go ask Al Gore what he thinks of George Junior and see if he's got anything to say on the subject.

"Well Kevin is the boss so when Meir took our dinosaur and he didn't ask if it was okay and it was OURS because we got it first but he just took it so Kevin said well then we aren't your friend because that isn't nice and then Meir gave it back but we still were mad because he can't just take some'hing other people are playing with but you know sometimes when I do some'hing Kevin doesn't like he says I'M not his friend and it makes me sad and then he goes and tells secrets to Meir and he says I won't tell you, so you know what I do? I go and tell a secret to DREW and I tell him in his ear and I DON'T tell Kevin or Meir and you know Kevin is the boss so when you gave me those cheese chips in my lunch and everyone wanted some I gave everybody just ONE because Kevin said that's what I had to do and he's the boss."

Kevin is a three-foot-tall twig with an uneven crewcut and the voice of a 65-year old man with a lifelong smoking habit. Hardly your standard profile for the mob godfather.

"It seems like Kevin's kind of bossy sometimes, Elan. I'd like you to do what YOU want to do, not what he wants you to do. And also, you shouldn't give in when he says he's not your friend - he's just being manipulative."

"What's 'manipulative?'"

"Saying something to get someone to do what you want. Don't give in to that."

"Well, you know what? I am not going to give my cheese chips to ANY girls. Even if they want. Because I don't LIKE girls."

"I'm a girl."

"Except you."

"Why not?"

"Because Kevin says girls are gross."

"They aren't."

"Well you know WHAT? I am never going to MARRY a girl. And I'm never going to kiss - I mean MARRY one." (Shy smile.)

(Glancing in the rearview mirror, as this conversation has taken us through our ice cream and into the car:) "You don't have to worry about that for a long time yet."

"But even when I'm GROWN-UP, I will never want to marry her."

"Who?"

"The girl that wants to marry me! Even if the man says I have to, I will just RUN AWAY!"

The 'man?' Who, Girl Who Wants To Marry Him's dad? I really didn't want to have to think about this yet.

"Okay. I won't let anyone force you to marry them."

"Good."

We are home. Y smiles when he sees us, and Elan rushes to show off the new superhero sneakers he'd worn home from the store. We hand over a pint of Cookies 'N Cream, and Y says, "So, did you have fun?"

"It was great," I reply. "Elan and I had a little date."

"It was not a date!" Elan protests, rolling his eyes.

And it occurs to me: How much does this kid know?